Oh, Friday

Things are beginning to settle in here in Seattle.  My mind has been filled with wondering and doubt over the past few weeks, so I decided to park it in "Be Still" land.  There really is only so much you can worry about in life, and generally it is about not having control.  Seems like this vicious cycle.  We don't have control, then get anxious because of that lack of control, then we are left with feeling out of control and anxious.  No good.  So, sometimes you have to sit back and realize you've done the best you could and you deserve to have good things happen to you. I think that was the most encrypted paragraph I've ever written.

Last week we went hiking at this place called "Rattlesnake Trail."  It was absolutely gorgeous.  It felt good to have that "huff and puff" that only comes from climbing a mountain.  Feeling that cool, clean, crisp air when you get to the top is so, so, soooo refreshing.  I love being that high and seeing the world under my feet.  It makes me realize just how amazing life is.  There is so much unknown; Who made these mountains?  Who makes everything tick?  What keeps everything moving?  So many answers that we endlessly search for.  At this moment in my life, I simply want to stand, look out, and be amazed.

"Is rain good luck?" "Yes, New beginning and shit."

Today, I start my new job at the U.S. Department of Veteran's affairs as a Social Worker in the HUD/VASH program.  I will be working with veterans who are "chronically homeless."  What I think I will be doing is looking at "the barriers" that are keeping them homeless and try to work with them on alleviating some of those things.  My number one goal is to continue to look at this as a problem from various sides, including systematic.  I am not a believer in the idea that we are all created equally.  Some people were dealt a hand that has made it much more difficult for them to live up to our definition and expectations of success.  Personal responsibility is important, however; I  believe some of us were lucky enough to get a head start in the race and it is our duty to reach back and help someone who did not.  In a long round about way, what I'm saying is that I do not want to lose this view.

Some cool things I noticed today...For the first time since I have been here, it rained in Seattle last night.  I asked a friend of mine if that meant good luck and she quickly told me it meant new beginnings.  That's how I'll look at it instead of wondering if my car will get up those monstrous hills.  Also, I'm starting my new job on my dear friend Kelly's birthday.  Talk about new beginnings!  Today was officially her beginning.  :)  That has to be good for something, right?

I am nervous about one thing.  Three days ago David and I found out that our going on 13 year old schnauzer, DeeDee is in the early stages of heart failure.  This sounds absolutely horrible, but it looks like it is manageable on a few medications.  She is on lasix and pimobendan.  I'm worried about the obvious, but also, she hasn't had a day alone since about August 3, so this will be a little tough on her.  I talked to my Mom and she told me that she'll probably just sleep all day.  I'm hoping this is true.  I just want to make this dog as happy as can be right now.

I think that's all for now as I have to go get ready for my awesome new job.

So, we are in Seattle!  And....we both have jobs!  I will be working as a HUD/VASH Social Worker at the VA.  This is something I've wanted to do since 2009 when I graduated.  I can't wait to work with vets again.  I start September 10th and I have that normal nervousness going on, but hopefully I'll manage that well.

David is working contract for Microsoft right now.  It's a little uneasy to not have a full-time, permanent position, but, it's a good thing and I think something full-time will come up.  Of note, he doesn't like taking the bus, but it gets easier every day.

We have settled into a town home in the East Lake neighborhood and I love it.  It's right by the water, quiet, lots of little cafes and we can pretty much walk to everything.  There are two things that are not ideal; one we don't have a grocery store in this neighborhood.  It's not a far drive to Safeway or Whole Foods though, so we should be good.  PARKING. Ah!  So, we are in a zoned area.  This would be fine if I were able to get a permit, but, as of now it's just not possible.  My car is not in my name, so I'm not able to register it.  I only have a few months before it is paid off, so we'll get that sorted out relatively soon.  For now, it's hoping and praying every day that you can find a parking spot that is not zoned.

We've encountered one little problem along the way that is making me anxious.  Our 12.5 year old Schnauzer, DeeDee, was diagnosed with a 4/6 heart murmur the day before we left Houston.  She was put on medication that she had pretty bad adverse effects with.  The vet stated we should hold off on that medication until we get here to Seattle and find a vet.  We have found a vet that is very close and has high reviews on Yelp.  We have an appointment tomorrow and I am so, so, so nervous.  I just don't want her to be in any pain or discomfort.  I'm really hoping we like this vet.

I think that's it for now.  Overall, we're adjusting, but I think we love Seattle.  :)

Conundrum. Be still. Move forward.

Throwing yourself out of a comfort zone you've nuzzled into for at least 10 years can be exuberating.  It can also feel like a buggy pulling a horse, ass backwards I think they call it.

I have a terrific job, one where I am advancing, although I'm not quite sure advancement is what I want.  I like comfort and contentness and I love being compassionate with people.  On the other hand, I do not like politics and I am not a fan of promoting what I do.

I am a Social Work Counselor in an Emergency Room in a very large hospital.  I love working with the patients, no matter how "difficult" they are.  What I've come to learn is generally it is not the patients who are difficult, it's the staff who aren't quite sure how to figure out the puzzle and have their own idea of how the patient should be living their life.  I'm not sure they would like the reverse to happen to them.

I work with quite a few patients with "psychiatric disorders."  Please don't get me wrong in this sense, I am an advocate for treatment of mental health, however, I think it's being a little overused.  Furthermore, it seems though we use a bandaid approach; wait until there is a crisis and then we'll figure it out.  This crisis can put a lot of stress on someone and is so much more difficult to manage from a mental health perspective.  If we begin to care more about prevention, hopefully we can prevent some of those crises.

This is where this blog becomes about me.  The reason I have titled it "Be Still. Move Forward" is because I have decided, along with my wonderful fiance David, to take the plunge and move from Houston to Seattle on September 15th, 2012.  We do not have jobs lined up.  We have friends there.  We know we love the city.  I am 38 and he is almost 39.  We do not have children.  We've decided if we're going to do this, we are almost at the point where it is our last chance to jump.  Jump away from decent paying/satisfying jobs.  We've talked about worst case scenarios to comfort us and this discussion can become quite amusing  His focus is on the lowest paying job that he is willing to take.  My worst case scenario is I'll have to live on the streets and sell myself for our next meal.  We can tell who's the dramatic one in this relationship, no?

So, the "be still" portion reminds me to remain calm during this journey.  The "move forward" reminds me to not get stuck in a rut and follow my dreams.  In the end, I can say we did it.  If the outcome is not so good (I'm selling myself) then we'll figure out a way to make that okay.  If the outcome is good (all I really care about is getting a job we enjoy and liking the city) then we know it was possible.  Looking at it this way makes me think....there really isn't a way to lose on this one.